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Load More...Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your sister
Me: oh no!
Kidnapper: the ransom is 10 grand
Me: pass
Kidnapper: b-but she’s your family
Me: we haven’t talked in like 10 months
Kidnapper: you could call her too
Me:
Kidnapper:
Me: nice try Mom
Dad: [in background] did it work?[buying something online that in the pre-internet era I would’ve had to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and leave the house to do]
Website: you have to go get your wallet now
Me: this is bullshit[CHECKS DRIVING TIME TO CHESAPEAKE BAY]. 🦀 🦀🍴🍴
Chesapeake Bay blue crabs are at their most plentiful in seven years, scientists say https://t.co/SUr5tQgYiK
Wife: we can’t curse around the kids anymore.
Me: what should I say instead of bull-
Wife: shhh say snake instead.
Me: [whispers] this is snakeshit.
Tag Archives: Current Events
It Takes a Lot of Heart
A guy in Detroit had a heart attack, and, as you might expect, called 911. And, as you might also expect, one of the EMTs did CPR on the guy while the other one drove. But then, in the middle … Continue reading
