May 2019 M T W T F S S « Apr 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
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Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your sister
Me: oh no!
Kidnapper: the ransom is 10 grand
Kidnapper: b-but she’s your family
Me: we haven’t talked in like 10 months
Kidnapper: you could call her too
Me: nice try Mom
Dad: [in background] did it work?
[buying something online that in the pre-internet era I would’ve had to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and leave the house to do]
Website: you have to go get your wallet now
Me: this is bullshitThe Washington Post@washingtonpost
[CHECKS DRIVING TIME TO CHESAPEAKE BAY]. 🦀 🦀🍴🍴
Chesapeake Bay blue crabs are at their most plentiful in seven years, scientists say https://t.co/SUr5tQgYiK
Wife: we can’t curse around the kids anymore.
Me: what should I say instead of bull-
Wife: shhh say snake instead.
Me: [whispers] this is snakeshit.
- 80 visits since 1 May 2019
Category Archives: Random Musings
[SCENE — UPPER LEVEL OF A SUBURBAN HOUSE FATHER TRYING TO DRESS HIMSELF AND TWO YOUNG SONS MANAGES TO SHOWER AND GET DRESSED, AND GET ELDER SON TO DRESS HIMSELF, AND FINALLY, WITH MUCH STRUGGLING, DRESSES TWO-YEAR-OLD SON] FATHER: Okay, … Continue reading
Our son is two and a half, and like many toddlers, he enjoys watching the standard toddler/pre-school fare of such TV shows as Yo Gabba Gabba, Dinosaur Train, the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, (God help me) Barney the Dinosaur, and Thomas … Continue reading