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Sadly, however, they are not. Seems that out-of-control parenting has gotten further out of control, as News.com.au reports that two-year-olds have started handing out business cards.

I’ll let that sink in for a minute.

This is not a joke. Apparently something has happened in Australia to make parents completely lose their minds. In what the article calls “a phenomenon that has taken the country by storm,” It seems that these Aussie whackjobs “are investing in business cards for their children.” Business cards. For kids. And they pay about $50 for 50 of them (yeah, it’s Australian dollars, but they’re pretty close to equal to US dollars).

“Ethan feels very important when he trots off to give someone his business card,” says one of the nutjobs who thinks this is a good idea.

I’m not too keen on violence, but this is one of those times when I think people maybe need to have some sense smacked into them. Thankfully, I’m not alone in recognizing that this is insane:

Parenting experts have dubbed the notion “preposterous”, believing it to be a classic example of obsessive parenting.

* * *

Parenting expert Prof Matt Sanders from the University of Queensland, said kids should be kids.

“Giving children business cards is totally unnecessary,” he said. “There is nothing they could possibly gain. It’s just a silly gimmick.”

Now, normally, I’d be skeptical of someone calling themselves a “parenting expert” for many reasons, but here, I think they’re 100 percent correct.

(Via Dave Barry’s blog.)

Travel writer Thomas Khonstamm has admitted that he either plagiarized or just plain made up a bunch of the stuff he wrote for the “Lonely Planet” travel guidebook series. He says that he broke company policy by taking free travel (presumably from travel companies whose services he was reviewing, though the story doesn’t say). He even claims to have written stuff about Colombia without even going there, relying instead on information from a girlfriend who worked at the Colombian consulate in San Francisco.

Well, hell, I can do that. If I knew you didn’t have to be a travel expert to write travel guides, I’d have tried my hand at it years ago. Of course, I actually have done a fair amount of traveling. In my travels, though, I’d say I came across many things that I couldn’t even make up. So I’d have to go the honest route and, you know, actually go to the places I would be writing about.

But one thing this story shows is how you can’t necessarily trust those who hold themselves out as experts. There seems to be so little vetting or oversight. I mean, apparently nobody would have caught Mr Khonstamm (which sounds awfully similar to “con man”) had he not come out with a book in which he admitted his deeds.

Anyway, the expert tag gets handed out with a bit too much frequency these days. In my profession, when we call “expert witnesses” to testify about something, there is a whole pile of evidentiary and legal standards we have to meet in order to qualify our “experts” as bona fide experts. You have to establish that they have training, expertise, and that that their opinions on the subject have some kind of grounding in fact or accepted theory.

Not so for Mr. Khonstamm, it seems. And not so out in the real world beyond the courtroom, either. Lots of people get to be experts on all kinds of things, without any guarantee that the “expert advice” you’re getting is based upon reliable information or an acceptable amount of training or experience. For example, I have an acquaintance I’ve known for a few years who apparently fancies himself a relationship expert, who even had a column running in an actual local newspaper. Oh, he would often, in his columns, coyly pretend to shrug off the title of “expert.” But ask yourself: how many newspapers would waste precious column-inches for “some guy who really isn’t an expert in the subject being discussed, but wants to prattle on about it anyway”? (Granted, that’s a good way to describe this blog sometimes. But I’m not asking people to pay to read it, either.)

Anyway, despite the coy, and not altogether too strident, attempts to make it look like he’s not the presumptuous type of guy who would label himself an “expert” on relationships, he would often “quote” other people who described him as (good God) the “Male Carrie Bradshaw” (the relationship-expert-columnist protagonist of Sex and the City fame). The columns themselves, however, were less “male Carrie Bradshaw” and more the print version of the high-school/college guy who wears the very thinly veiled sensitive-new-age-guy disguise to try and get women into bed with him. Except not even as well-written as that. Oh, sure, to people who didn’t know much about the guy, and who didn’t read too much below the syrupy, very-easy-to-see-through veneer, this guy looked like the in-touch-with-his-feminine-side progressive man. It was easy to get caught up in the tale of a guy who got his heart broken time after time by women who didn’t appreciate him for the nice, sensitive guy that he is.

Except, that’s not really how I knew/know the guy. To get the full picture, you have to see the side that wasn’t in his column. You have to see the guy who’s several years older than me (I’m in my early thirties) who surrounds himself with women in their early- to mid-twenties (some of them are younger than my girlfriend’s youngest sister, who is in her early twenties). If you go to his page on one of a number of social networking sites, that’s what you see—scores of much-younger women in his friends page. You also have to see the guy as I saw him when I first met him—married, with an infant daughter, pocketing his wedding ring, and making the rounds of every female at our office in search of one who would be receptive to his advances. I had friends who knew him in other contexts, and that seemed to be his M.O. in other contexts as well. (Suffice it to say that I wasn’t shocked to learn of his divorce a couple of years later.)

My reaction, when I learned of his column, was mixed — I wasn’t sure whether he had no business playing the sensitive “metrosexual” relationship expert dude, or whether he ought to be considered an “expert” because he had done just about everything a guy shouldn’t do if he expects to have and preserve a long-term relationship.

Of course, you didn’t see any of that in his column. You rarely saw a mention that he had ever been married, and you didn’t really see him talking about having a kid. Because if you’re a late-30s guy trying to get sweet young twenty-somethings under your spell, you can’t be some old divorced dude with wandering eyes, a flexible definition of commitment, and a kid. No, what you saw was a guy who latched onto some kind of “metrosexual” persona to show how in touch with his feminine side he was. He would always lament his failed relationships with some girlfriend or another, and the theme would always be “poor me, these women just don’t know how to deal with a nice guy in touch with his feminine side.” It was certainly never his fault. It probably had little to do with the fact that he could be sometimes be seen literally hanging all over other women.

He would also post his columns to a running online blog for the rest of the world to see. Most of the comments that showed up were from the segment he likely aimed for — women who don’t know any better who always fell for the guy who had the thinly veiled nice-sensitive-guy act. Every once in a while, someone who did know better would throw the bullshit card, but such comments either disappeared or were buried under a back-pedaling act that politicians could take lessons from. Indeed, once the guy had the gall to post a syrupy-sweet column about how he had never had a girlfriend on Valentines Day, and how he longed to know what that was like. That’s right, the guy who was married for several years. Posting about how he envied people who had “someone special” to spend Valentines Day with. Someone posted a comment throwing the bullshit card on that one, too. I could only imagine what his ex-wife might have thought when she read that. I can only imagine what his child will think if she ever stumbles across it.

Eventually, he posted a column saying no one would get to kick him around anymore because his column was leading to too many problems dating because his status as a “relationship expert” put “too much pressure” on his dating life. I suspect it had a little more to do with one too many bullshit cards being thrown. Of course, as those of you who are cynics like me might guess, it wasn’t very much longer before he started posting again, despite saying he’d never do it again.

Anyway, my point is that it’s all a little too easy to become known as an expert today, and consequently, not too surprising to see that so-called experts are just making things up and phoning things in. If an ardent womanizer can cast himself as a soulful “relationship advice columnist” in seek of his one, true love and lamenting the fact that a nice guy like himself keeps getting jilted, then surely there can be travel writers who never travel to the places they write about. The problem is, people don’t seem to care. Oh, sure, they act surprised when the cat’s out of the bag, but really, what do they really do to check whether the guy dispensing travel advice or advice for the lovelorn actually has anything backing up his opinions?

On the other hand, what do I know? After all, I’m no expert.

It seems that a woman was arrested at a courthouse on the day of her wedding, in front of her entire wedding party. What is it that she allegedly did? Well, the day before her wedding, she threatened someone. A juror. A member of the jury in the trial of the blushing bride on felony charges of driving while her license was suspended because of an earlier drunk driving charge.

So, to recap: (1) got convicted of drunk driving, license suspended; (2) got arrested for deciding to drive anyway; (3) while on trial, (allegedly) employed the brilliant trial strategy of threatening one of the jurors; (4) called to set up a wedding at the very same courthouse the very next day; (5) got arrested right before the wedding. Well, who would want to let this peach get away?

A guy from Houston was out hunting with his dog, when the dog stepped on the guy's loaded shotgun and shot the guy to death.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that police managed to get the dog to confess to murder after 36 straight hours of questioning during which they claim that the dog never asked for a lawyer.

Oops.

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So it seems that some guy in Poland discovered his wife was working part-time in a brothel. How did he find out, you ask? Well, it seems he was there as, uh, a customer. He spotted her during one of his visits, and was shocked to find her among the "employees," because she told him she was working part-time "at a store."

It also seems that the couple is getting divorce. Now, it seems to me that neither participant in that marriage has any right to get mad at one another. Sure it's horrible for a guy to step out on his wife behind her back to patronize prostitutes, and sure it's terrible if your wife goes out behind your back and becomes a prostitute, but if you're both doing those things at the same time, shouldn't it cancel each other out? Like in football -- when a team commits a penalty, it gets sent back a few yards as a penalty. But when both teams commit penalties on the same play, the penalties "offset," and it's like neither team committed any penalty.

I think all this World Cup stuff is making people just a little nutty. Yesterday, I blogged about the ultra-tiny glass soccer field that is so small you need an electron microscope to see it because it's 1/20000th the size of the tip of a human hair.

Now it seems that some particularly evil hooligans were arrested for putting soccer balls made of concrete throughout town, inviting hapless folk to kick them. At least two people accepted the invitation, seriously hurting themselves in the process.

Both of these crazy soccer-related things happened in Germany.

Reuters reports that a German scientist has apparently created the smallest replica of a soccer field ever -- measuring 500 by 380 nanometers. A nanometer is one-billionth of a meter, and this model is so small that 20,000 of them could fit on the tip of a human hair.

The story reports that it took all day to etch the model soccer field onto the incredibly tiny piece of glass with an electron beam. But all of that effort could be for naught:

"The only problem is that I really don't know what to do with it. I can't put it on show as no one can see it," he said. "I guess it'll just stay in my drawer for the time being."

You see, the glass soccer field is so small you'd need an electron microscope to see it. And you can't just pop into your local Discover Channel store and grab one of those babies.

Seems awfully convenient to me. "Uh, yeah, I made this record-breaking thing, but, uh, it's so small, uh... umm... nobody can see it! Yeah, that's it!"

Most of us have heard that Saddam Hussein went on a hunger strike. What most of us haven't heard is that he ended it after skipping only one meal. Way to stick to your guns, Saddam.

It seems that a rather effective way of treating colitis (an inflammation/infection of the colon) caused by Clostridium difficile is to [WARNING TO THE SQUEAMISH -- STOP READING NOW!] transplant stool from a healthy patient to one afflicted with C. difficile colitis:

In a surprise twist, three doctors from Duluth, Minnesota decided to use poop to help cure their patients. Doctors Johannes Aas, Charles E. Gessert, and Johan S. Bakken used a stool transplant to cure reoccurring Clostridium difficile Colitis in 16 of their patients. You read correctly. Sick patients received stool from stool donors and became healthy because of the stool transplants.

I can only imagine how this changes interactions between donor and recipient:

RECIPIENT: "I am so tired of taking shit from you!"
DONOR: "Yeah, well you didn't seem to have a problem with it when it SAVED YOUR ASS!!"

Yeah, maybe it's better for science that I left the study of science in favor of the law.

(Via MNspeak.com via Erica)

Apparently, some 76-year-old guy in Florida went door-to-door pretending to be a doctor and offering women free breast exams. Crazy enough. Crazier still is that two women took him up on it. Only when the man expanded his first "breast exam" to, shall we say, a more extensive "gynecological exam" was the jig up, and he ran off before the woman could call the cops. Undeterred, the man went on and tricked someone else.

Now, at the risk of being accused of insensitively blaming the victim, I can understand being tempted to accept free samples of things, but I'm not sure medical care is one of those things.

Apparently, some crafty robber managed to rob a bank by putting some sort of threatnening note in a pneumatic tube canister in the drive-through lane of a bank.

Good lord -- first fast food drive-throughs, and now this -- we really are getting lazier.

Well, I've seen everything now. The New York Times reports that "Oddly, Hillary, and, yes, Newt Agree to Agree." The article discusses the fact that Senator Hillary Clinton and, of all the damn people, Republican and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich see eye-to-eye on health care, and of all the damn things, a possible 2008 run for president for Hillary.

I'm not even sure what else to say.

According to WDIV-TV's web site, "Woman Named Coke Caught with Drugs." Apparently a police K-9 unit in Roseville (a suburb of Detroit, for those of you who aren't from around here) pulled her over, and found, in her car, $8 million worth of . . . you guessed it . . .

Oops.

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In a move that highlights the need for due diligence, it seems that an Illinois lawyer accidentally sued himself. It seems that the attorney filed a class action claim against a mortgage lender for allegedly charging excessive fees. The lender then brought in as third-party defendants the title company that received the allegedly excessive fees and the title company's owner, who was none other than the plaintiff's lawyer.

The plaintiff's attorney subsequently resigned from the representation of the client. Which is good, because how embarassing would it be to sue yourself and lose?

(Via Overlawyered)

As previously reported, two guys were arrested outside a Long Island courthouse, allegedly for creating a public disturbance. The pair say that all they were doing was telling lawyer jokes, and that an angry lawyer ahead of them in line reported them to court officers, who arrested the men.

It seems that the charges have been dismissed (interestingly, the men, founders of Americans for Legal Reform, a group that "uses confrontational tactics to urge greater public access to the courts," that including standing "outside courthouses on Long Island and mock[ing] lawyers . . . ." themselves hired a lawyer). The grand jury voted to dismiss the charges against one of the men, and the other had already had his charges dimissed after being given immunity in exchange for his grand jury testimony.

I'm happy to see that I can safely go back to making fun of my colleagues.

(Via How Appealing)

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